So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
