Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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