Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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