Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
