put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
