i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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