when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
His nipple licking is glorious
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