Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
