I'm lost and stupid without you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
