we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
