I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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