I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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