RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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