I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
