Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How external is "for external use only"?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please don't give away my fajitas
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
