Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
