I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
