I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
