I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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