I wish you could order shots online.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
