so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
