remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
