that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
