Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
