I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
