I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
