Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
