So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
