Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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