Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
