Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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