dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
