I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
