Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
