She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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