He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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