I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
