It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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