He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
