Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she smelled like a LAN party
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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