she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
