Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
