I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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