I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
