Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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