end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
