I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
