Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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