girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
