Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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